The Tales of Mrs Mao S1 E1(Pilot)

So my Mum; Mrs Mao (We’ll call her, Thanks to Friend Chelsea) often is the topic of conversation… she has her own take on things like…

‘Ming why you have to wear crothes rike daaat? and your haaair? why cannot be normo?’

‘Worry for you Ming, dey  target peepo rike youuuu’
‘Who targets people like me Ma?’
‘Immigration… I WATCH AROT OF BORDER SECURITY I KNOW OK?!’

‘Ming! can you bring back the dee-be-dee for Shani up da load?’
‘Yeah sure Ma, which one is it?’
‘Oh I can’t remember the name, one with Meryl Strip and she works in da maGAzeeen… umm… oh yes! Who Dares Wears Prada’
*internal monologue* ‘Gurrrrl I dare wear Prada!’

Mrs Mao is also good at laying guilt trips, generally via SMS… she’s come a long way from when she had a Nokia 5110 and I was teaching her how to text…

-Ming: ‘Can you pick me up from the hairdressers at 4?’
-Mrs Mao: ‘W’

-Ming: ‘I won’t be home tonight, going to stay over at Kate’s’
-Mrs Mao: ‘NO WORRIES YOU LOOK AFTER YOURSELF. SEND MY LOVE TO KATE. LOVE YOU LOTS MA X’
so much yelling :S

My favourite to this day is when I moved to Dubai and she was obviously feeling heartbroken and lonely… I personally blame Regan for the pain she felt… I received this text message
– Mrs Mao: ‘Morning Ming, how are u? missing u a lot. every morning i wake up and put my shoes on sitting on your bed. sometimes i even cry. love ma x’
That’s it? that’s all?!?!… wow! she’s a sms magician when it comes to putting emotion into her texts and not with the use of a single emoticon


Recently a distant family member passed away… I received an email
MM: ‘Dear Ming, Just letting you know your 4th auntie twice removed on my side has passed away. Love Ma’
Me:’Oh, that’s no good was it expected?’
MM: ‘She wasn’t feeling well on Sunday so they took her to hospital and then she died that night. So sad’
Me: ‘Do they know what killed her?’ (note the asian tact… which is the utter void of tact)
MM: ‘No, not really, I think she died of a broken heart… her son is living far far away, never comes back to visit, her daughter is having trouble and her husband died 3 months ago… sounds like a broken heart to me’
Me: ‘Erghs! Ma, don’t be ridiculous!! she can’t have died of a broken heart!!’
MM: ‘She can Ming! you wouldn’t understand… ONLY A MOTHER KNOWS THE FEELING’

Cheers to you Ma, Mrs Mao! I love you! ❤

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