Hymns of Gay Church- ‘You’re Really Gay’

I’m saddened that my new ‘Gay Church’- Ryerson Mattamy Athletic Centre (car College and Church) aka the gym is nowhere near as gay as my previous gym in London (Virgin Islington)… it saddens me not only because the opportunity to build a strong gay social network is not available to me but I feel like my homosexual flare is being stifled, trampled, spat on and then kicked… and then kicked again!!… My usual workout attire (see below+singlet) was given the once over look (eyes up and down and up again) by Steven and then followed with the following…

‘is that what you’re wearing to the gym??’…
‘yeah? why?’ *I give myself the once over and turn around and check the back whilst jutting my butt out JLo stylez*…
‘no no, that’s fine… you’re gonna be ‘THAT guy’ are you?’…
‘huh? WHAT GUY!?’…
‘that guy… the blonde gaysian with the short shorts? the person who people don’t know your name but they know you as ‘the blonde gaysian with short shorts and make reference to you like, there’s this guy at my gym, he wears really short shorts… OH! the Blonde Gaysian… YESSSSSS!”
‘oh… THAT guy!’

THAT GUY/GIRL: the person at your gym, male or female, who has a particular quality may it be smell/ item of clothing/ dance move/ actions/ breathing pattern/ work out partner/ look etc who you don’t know their name but will reference them with beginning of ‘that guy/girl’

Previous examples of ‘That Guy’ at my past gyms have been ‘the dancing asian’ (not me)… he would dance in front of the mirrors during his rest periods… ‘hot shoulders guy’… self explanatory… ‘annoying chalk guy’… he would leave lifting chalk over the equipment… ‘troga guy’… treadmill+yoga… ‘latin dvd dancing guy’… would bring his laptop onto the gym floor and then do a salsa workout following the dvd…

I must admit that my first day at the gym, I noticed all the other guys were wearing shorts longer than their knees and in fact my shorts were even shorter than some of the girls there… *le sigh*… perhaps my cyberfriend West Phillips was right, that these shorts ‘are really gay and really small’ a thought BRIEFLY crossed my mind… maybe I should probably wear something a bit more appropriate and longer… NAAAAAAH!… (Photo by West Phillips Photography)

Although a complete lack of gays.. the plus side is that this gym seems to be the hub and developing station of the manchild!… Urban Dictionary defines the manchild as such

‘A young teen with the ability to grow facial hair, that other people the same age can’t. Also the facial hair has to be able to look like a full grown man could have grown it. This type of person is able to get attention for looking older than he really is’

… my definition extends beyond that into physicality… 18 year olds with muscles beyond their years… below is a typical example of a man child… this is Rory Norman… he is 19 years old… need i say more… (photo from Justin Tayler Models)

Yesterday, whilst I was listening to Flo Rida’s I Cry (I know, so street right! :P)… side bar: Flo Rida without the space spells FLORIDA and he was BORN IN FLORIDA!! OMSF :O! amazing… and doing some clean and jerks *asian giggle behind hand* I noticed a young girl doing sit ups and waving at me… I pulled out my headphones to when she said something which I half heard…

‘Oh my god! you’re like sooooo gay!’ to which I replied in a high pitched voice
‘I KNOW RIIIIGHT!?’… she gave me a weird look… ‘sorry? umm  what did you say again?’
‘I said you look so good, like fit and all!’…
‘Ohhhhhh… I thought… I thought you said I looked so gay! and I was like GUILTY! GOT ME!… here I am in my short shorts which are even shorter than yours… except… you’re a… teenage girl… and i’m…a…27 year old… man…*trails off*… but thanks anyway’…

Hence from then on I have a new BFF, Amelia… she’s blonde and is a student at Ryerson who is only studying one unit at the moment, Photography… and she does not come to the gym all that often… she only comes once a week… but I can see this being a friendship set in stone… maybe next Thursday I’ll go with a friendship bracelet to give to her… or maybe half a heart locket with my picture in it… Or maybe I should wear longer shorts…

 

 

 

 

 

 

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