Another great play on words!… A delightful ‘welcome to Toronto’ present from Steven were tickets to Cirque du Soleil’s Amaluna. Cirque du Soleil is currently playing down in the Port Lands off Cherry St till the 4th November. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Cique du Soleil… I have seen 6 out of their 26 shows… which doesn’t sound as impressive now that I’ve written it out but whatever!!… Prior to Amaluna, my most recent experience was 2 years ago in London where I saw Totem at the Royal Albert Hall in London with my best friend Kate. She had just flown back from Perth that day (20 hour flight, 7 hour time difference) and had NEVER EVER seen a Cirque performance before… I was as excited as she was apart from the fact that she fell asleep on my shoulder before half time… the second half of the show was as follows:
‘OOOOOO Kate, wake up look! Look at this one’ *nudge nudge*
*opens one eye sleepily* ‘Ming, I’ve seen it before..’
‘You can’t have! you’ve never seen this before!!!’
‘Yeah it’s… it’s…’ *opens other eye this time* ‘It’s 2 people on roller-skates.. see… seen before’ *falls back asleep*
Amaluna premiered in Montreal on the 19/4/2012 and is Cirque du Soleil’s latest creation. Storyline is pretty simple, set on a mystical island ruled by Goddesses, a group of hot fisherman are washed ashore. The Queen (who I thought was actually a King, gender confusion with long robes and lamé) has a very bendy daughter (contortionist) who falls in love with a prawn (hot body, bad head) of a fisherman and hence go through the general love story blah blah blah but end up together! Yippeee!!
And now a run through of the acts!… Now! Don’t get me wrong, the sheer mockery of the acts is NOT because I didn’t enjoy them… on the contrary I TOTES J’ADORE’d THEM! But what’s the point of writing a review if its just gonna say how GREAT and FABULOUS everything was!
1) Unicyle aka a tandem bike cut in half…or a bicycle with no front wheel or handlebar
In my head this is how the back story went…Two twin sisters, daughters of the Emperor of Southern China renowned for their long luscious raven like hair would ride their cute tandem bike around the city , being good Asian daughters they followed every rule down to a ‘T’. No, boyfriend before 50! Don’t eat rice at buffet, it velly filling! Always take shoe off before go inside house! One day, sick of these rules they decided to rebel and cut off their hair into a butch asymmetrical hair style and bleach it white BLONDE!! Furious, the Emperor ordered that their bike be cut into two… and hence… they ran off to the circus in Montreal, and although still able to ride together on stage, they will NEVER EVER ride ‘TOGETHER’
2) Icarian Games and Water Meteors aka Glowing Rice Bowl Twirling
Ok, probably my favourite act, I love anything with cute small asian girls!… and these ones had talent and really showed up any white person routine due to their military precision and synchronisation. 4 young asian girls continue to spin their ‘water meteors’ (the glowing rice bowls) whilst being tumbled about, flipped, spun, kicked and thrown by their male counterparts… much like a man rolling a barrel over his feet! but more kawaii (cute)!!!! The men’s costumes even had a lumbar support for when they lie down… so ergonomic! Tick tick from a physio point of view
3) Storm aka the Angry Flying Couple
A change from the usual ethereal, flowy flowy, beautiful, bodies intertwined stuff you see OVER AND OVER AGAIN… This act was hard hitting with an electric cellist being hoisted up into the air and spun around whilst the Angry Couple contemporary danced themselves into a fight!… Good but really no one will ever beat the flying twin Australian brothers from Verekai 😉
4) Cerceau and the Waterbowl aka The Quadruple Threat
People are normally referred to as triple threats in the entertainment industry, a singer, dancer, actor… This lady brought a whole new level!… The Quadruple Threat not only sings, acts, dances but also is an amazing hoop swinger!… and she does it ALL…AT…THE…SAME…TIME!! AMAZING!
5) Contortionist aka Straight Man’s Wet Dream
Skinny contortionists freak me out! the way they bend and how things get exposed *whispers* (is that her kajina?) and their rib cages poke out and their spine snaps in half! *shudder*… then again I don’t think there’s a thing such as a fat contortionist… *does Google search*… apparently there is… *reminds self to put Safe Mode: On… shudder* below are two pictures, one being Fat Matt, the world’s fattest contortionist!
The Queen’s daughter is the contortionist, coming out in a white bikini top and white hot pants… she then plunges into the goblet of water and flips and wraps and bends and pulls her body in all directions… at times she made me cringe and think, am I upside down???… then I realised I wasn’t… and then I found $10… BUT! a small, fit, bendy woman, getting her white, tight swim suit wet?… *raised eyebrow*… what I will also give her props for is her amazing ‘salute to the sun’ hair flick! TOTES J’ADORE!! Her lover finds her and comes rushing in and basically they get wet together (someone should tell him leather does not dry well)… and end scene!
6) Uneven Bars aka Angry Amazonian Lesbians
Throughout the show a group of Amazonian women keep yelling and chasing off the young open jacketed sailors… One can only deduce that with their unkept dreadlocked-red-hair-extension-clip-ins that these women are lesbians! They even set up their own props and secured them down with guy ropes… Flying through the air on the uneven bars these women would scare off Epke Zonderland (Netherland’s Gold Medal Olympic Pin-up Boy)… which is a shame really…
7) Teeterboard aka See Saw for Gays
After intermission, a high energy number was needed to draw the audience back into the world of Amaluna… what better way than young men solely in leather pants jumping on a see saw and tumbling through the air. What I learned is that there are 2 roles when it comes to teeter boarding… the Bouncer, usually someone stocky and heavy… and the Tumbler, the lighter more agile one who does all the tricks in the air… The important thing to remember when on a see-saw is that never play see saw with a fat kid… enough said…
8) Manipulator aka Pick up Sticks Champion
This is the SLOWEST act of the WHOLE SHOW… A blonde woman appears and proceeds to play ‘Pick up Sticks’ with banana branches which, FINE, in the end do make a beautiful balanced sculpture which demonstrates the important of balance and equilibrium BUT it truly is amazing how Cirque has managed to ‘Cirquefy’ it… amazing what some creepy music, heavy breathing to demonstrate concentration and gold lamé can do!… none the less I would say, the most beautiful act of the show…
9) Chinese Pole aka Best Male Pole Dancer EVER!
Romeo now has his chance to shine and boy does he ever!… The best pole dancing routine I have ever seen by a man!… AND he didn’t even sprain his shoulder or his neck whilst doing it!… Romeo works that pole like… like… like… oh golly! you just have to see it!… My favourite of his moves, which is ALSO MY SIGNATURE MOVE is the death drop… Climb to the top, hang upside down solely by your legs and then release, catching yourself just before you hit the ground… the only difference is that Romeo manages to stop his face from hitting the floor… I do not… hence why we have different signature moves… and faces…
An example of Male Pole Dancing thanks to America’s Got Talent
In contrast, but definitely props for trying cause she honestly does have a HUGE FINISH starting at 2:14
10) Tight Wire aka an example of ‘Making Something Already Difficult Even Harder’
What started off as simple tight rope walking soon escalated when the girls with beautiful long braided ponytails and peacock fans changed shoes… one into ballet point shoes and the other into stilettos… lets take something that is already difficult and make it even MORE difficult…
11) Juggler aka Buffest Juggler Ever
Who knew that you would need so many muscles to play with balls… The lizard man was not only the villain but also had some skill!… Once again, lets take a mundane task, juggling and make it more difficult by ADDING FIRE!!!… This performer had the loveliest bum outta all the performers… or maybe it was just the tights he was wearing… I gotta get me a pair 😉
Overall, Cirque du Soleil is a quality night out and personally I’m never disappointed when it ends apart from the fact that it HAS ended! I always leave wanting to either go to the gym, take up costume design, learn to sing in pigeon english or paint my face… Definitely worth the money and you don’t even need to fork out for front row seats to enjoy this show, grab the cheapies because the big top isn’t THAT big inside and a good view is guaranteed with every seat… unless behind a supporting structure… Cirque do Soleil, you always make me feel so GAY! in a happy way 🙂 …